Dissolving
by Vilian
Summary: A mission going horribly wrong turns out to be something completely else. Very mild smut involved. Crosspost with AO3.


_**A/N 1:**_ _I had this one creepy scene in my mind and no idea what to do with it. And I had that other scene, more fluffy one, hiding in the back of my brain too. And then yes, you guessed it, Yet_ _Another Bad S_ _leepless_ _N_ _ight came. Kind of hoped these wouldn't happen anymore, since my life recently took a less bumpy path than usual. Obviously I'm not that lucky though, couldn't sleep for hours and this thing appeared out of nowhere. Took me by surprise, so in the morning this ficlet needed way more than just the basic polishing before the upload. Still, it's readable, methinks, and those two seemingly separate scenes create some kind of_ _complete_ _story. The usual warnings about English not being my native language and half-sleep babbling still apply but please enjoy anyway._

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There was just a single thought in Kurt's brain: he betrayed Jane again. The final, _ultimate_ betrayal.

Things were _almost good_ between them again. After CIA and initially forced cooperation; after sending Jane all alone to Sandstorm; too many hateful words and looks full of anger; after Allie and the baby; after Nas; a period of betrayals and mysteries big and small, secrets more and less personal; things were almost good between them again. Without mistrust, their relationship was somewhere between _team-mates_ and _friends_ , so it really was almost good again. They had their backs, on the cases and between them, their duo and the team as a whole. So how come it came to an irreversible end now?

The case went awry before they even _arrived_ at the scene properly. Heavy rains lasting for few days in the row already had made country roads impossible to drive through even for their SUVs, and that wasn't the only factor slowing down the mission progress. Dense foliage had turned old orchards into a kind of surreal jungle, booby-trapped with fragments of rusting razor-wire and old farm equipment; they had been making their way to the buildings too slowly and too well-announced, thought Kurt.

As if to prove his instincts right, they suddenly felt under rapid fire. A group of concealed shooters forced the team to scatter, fight for their lives separately. It wasn't an easy fire exchange, but Weller's people were well-trained and Jane, being Jane, was more than just capable of taking care of imminent danger. A moment to regroup, rethink strategy and they were already fighting back. It took a while, but the shots finally went sparse, then died out completely – and then it happened.

A sudden movement caught with corner of his eye wouldn't be enough to save Weller from the bullet, but, as always, Jane had his back, pushing him out of harm's way and getting shot herself, falling silently to the ground. The culprit died mere fraction of seconds later, pulled down by the gathering team members, but Kurt was oblivious. His focus was _entirely_ on laying woman, everything else just a slow motion background.

There was just a single thought in Kurt's brain: he betrayed Jane again. The final, _ultimate_ betrayal. Instead of protecting her, he had let her protect him instead, again; let her use her life as a biggest sacrifice anyone could ever make, shouldn't ever make: even though he already betrayed her for so many times she selflessly gave up her life for him. Because he knew Jane was now _dead_ , he'd recognize that stillness, those widely splayed limbs and empty stare anywhere. Crawling to her body through the mud she pushed him into, first literally and now figuratively too, Kurt just wanted her to get up and kick his butt for everything he had ever done to her, to look around with her vividly green eyes, to just smile or frown, _anything_ but to lay there on the ground without even the tiniest of movements. Ignoring pounding rain, wet shrubbery, terrified team, he just sat beside Jane, slowly took her hand into his and let himself cry; his wails and falling rain the only sounds around them.

He was _finally_ mourning properly; mourning for Taylor, for his own life and even for his father, but mostly Kurt was mourning for Jane. His Jane. Only after he had lost her in irreparable way, he could understand what he actually had lost. They could be again so much more than than _colleagues_ or _friends_ , and loosing that forever was more than he could take. His hot tears got mixed with cold raindrops quickly and were falling on their joined hands in steady rhythm, slowly washing off the honey comb tattoo pattern.

'What?'

Weller took notice of the phenomenal. It looked like if all the Jane's tattoos visible from under her battle gear were getting dissolved by the rain, dark droplets slowly sinking into grass beneath her.

'What the…?'

After the tattoos had disappeared completely, it was her hair fading from black to almost transparent and eyes from brilliant green to dull gray, her whole body turning less and less visible before his very own eyes, melting under his touch.

'Jane? No! NO!'

Rain had changed its form to big hot drops, dissolving Jane's form faster until there was no trace of her left; ground soaking up the last barely visible shadow. Witnessing something out of nightmare in so many ways Weller just lost it; he curled up on the ground screaming and repeating Jane's name over and over again.

'No, Jane! No! NO!'

The warm rain was still falling, but Kurt was no longer on the deserted farm.

Judging by familiar smell and softness, it was Weller's own bedroom in his own apartment; instead of laying down in the mud he was in his own bed. The sense of falling rain was lingering fresh in his mind though, as found his face still wet and drops still falling. Surprised Kurt opened his eyes and realized that the horror he'd just been through was a bad dream, as the first thing he saw were Jane's moonlit emerald eyes. She was in her pajamas, kneeling on their bed, hovering over him, and desperately crying, her tears adding to the wetness on his cheeks. But his Jane, his wife was safe and that what mattered the most, he breathed out relieved. Why was she crying if had been a nightmare of his own though?

'Jane?'

Kurt had barely choked out her name, what only deepened his confusion – why was throat so sore, had he been screaming in his sleep? It'd seem so, but then it hardly could be an answer to Jane's current, obviously highly disturbed, state.

'Jane? Were you having a nightmare again?'

She shook her head in response, but did not stop crying.

'So what's wrong? What happened?'

Again, just faint shaking of her messy hairdo, nothing else. With panic setting back in, Kurt managed to sit up, propped himself against pillows and gently tugged Jane to his chest. Only then he discovered his t-shirt was actually drenched with cold sweat, after-effect of his horrid dream. Jane didn't mind though, in fact she was clinging to him with all her might, so he was just sitting still, enjoying the sole fact that she was alive and warm and breathing so close by.

'You were screaming my name' Jane suddenly whispered.

'You were screaming and crying and you wouldn't wake up'

The whisper was strained and Kurt could feel so much sadness in it, he simply pulled Jane into his embrace, willing to take away all her distress with this hug alone.

'I hurt you even in your sleep. I bring you nothing but suffering. Do you really think I'm worthy being your wife?'

Weller stared in disbelief at the small figure sobbing in his arms. How on Earth this beautiful, smart and incredibly loyal woman could convince herself of such thing? It'd be _silly_ if it wasn't so _tragic_. He had to put an end to this madness.

'Jane, you got it all wrong! I was dreaming that I lost you before telling you how important to me you are, before even having a chance to marry you, to have this life together. That's why I was in pain, I just couldn't take the thought of your death! I love you, I don't want to be with anyone else, I want you and you alone, do you understand? Please say so!'

Jane was processing slowly Kurt's confession and finally nodded against him.

'It's our past and our choices, both good and bad, that had brought us together. I did wrong to you too, betrayed you for so many times that I can't help but think it's a miracle you are my wife. And yet you are, and I love you. Please don't be sad because you appeared in my nightmare. It's because I'm so very afraid to loose you'

The truth of explanation was sinking into Jane's mind and she untangled herself from her husband's wrap to look into his eyes. Seeing there nothing but concern and love, she reached to his face with both of her shaking hands to wipe leftovers of moisture from their mixed tears. Kurt wanted to do the same with tears on her face, but chose to lean and kiss her salty lips instead. Awkwardly at first, they started to kiss the tears off from each others faces, the kisses soon turning hungry and passionate. With hot lips and burning fingers both were assuring the other of their devotion, all the fears and doubts dissolving under tender touches. Body shapes already familiar, but movements not even close to routine, the oldest ritual of celebrating trust known to humanity filled their time, most of the dark hours remaining until the dawn. Exhausted in glorious way and again at peace, Jane and Kurt drifted away into slumber, joined in tight embrace, not haunted that night by anything or anyone anymore.

Rays of raising sun found the couple sleeping closely together, limbs and sheets entwined, their night clothes still on the floor. Bright light dissolved all the shadows of previous night, leaving just an immense sense of warmth and safety in its wake. There may or may not be nights ahead of them even more challenging than this one, but hopefully such sunny bliss can always greet their mornings after rainy nights.

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 _ **A/N 2:**_ _So, there's a lot of violence and angst in here, but there's also Jeller fluff. I can write fluff after all, contrary to what my previous fics might say, especially unfortunate_ The way to fix it _:P Yay me!_


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